GIF: Scorpion-Kick Goal Situation, Care of Celta Vigo’s Pablo Hernandez

According to Style Points, the likely flawed and totally proprietary metric designed by the author to measure the aesthetic value of European football teams and matches, Spanish side Celta Vigo were second among all La Liga clubs entering this weekend of play.

What follows does not, at all, constitute evidence to the effect that Celta Vigo’s Style Point score is justified. What it does reveal, however, is that striker Pablo Hernandez possess some combination of (a) imagination and (b) the physical competence to realize that of which his imagination his capable.

Regard, his goal from the 19th minute of Celta’s match this afternoon against Atletico Madrid:

Hernandez Goal 1

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Style Point Ratings for This Weekend’s European Matches

Recently, in these pages, the author introduced a new iteration of only a slightly less new metric called Style Points, itself designed to estimate roughly, on a scale of 0 to 10, the aesthetic appeal of each club currently playing in Europe’s five major leagues and also the MLS. What follows is a table featuring not Style Point club scores, but rather match scores, for the weekend’s European matches.

Match scores are produced merely by averaging the Style Point figures for each club — a methodology which, for what it lacks in sophistication, makes up for it by being easy to produce.

Here are the top-10 matches in Europe this weekend by this clearly flawed metric:

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Style Point Ratings for This Weekend’s MLS Matches

Recently, in these pages, the author introduced a new iteration of only a slightly less new metric called Style Points, itself designed to estimate roughly, on a scale of 0 to 10, the aesthetic appeal of each club currently playing in Europe’s five major leagues and also the MLS. What follows is a table featuring not Style Point club scores, but rather match scores, for the weekend’s MLS schedule.

Match scores are produced merely by averaging the Style Point figures for each club — a methodology which, for what it lacks in sophistication, makes up for it by being easy to produce.

Here are the relevant numbers, sorted in descending order by match score:

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The Return of Style Points for Clubs and Matches

Last year, in these pages, the author introduced a metric called Style Points designed to estimate roughly, on a scale of 0 to 10, the aesthetic appeal of each club currently playing in Europe’s five major leagues — a figure which, when combined with a prospective opponent’s Style Point rating, also yielded a match rating capable of serving as a sort of barometer for the capacity of any game to facilitate capital-P Pleasure.

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Match Projections for Week 27 of the English Premier League

Below are the match projections for Week 27* of the English Premier League, calculated in much the same manner as the other match projections which appear in these electronic pages.

*Which matchday begins today (Saturday).

The methodology utilized to produce these figures is presented here. In brief, however, what the author has done is to utilize a hot expected goals formula in combination with a sexy Poisson distribution to calculate the probability of every possible scoring outcome between the clubs playing this weekend. The % symbol in the table represents the likelihood of the three relevant outcomes in each match.

So, for example, in Saturday’s Chelsea-Everton match, there appears to be about a 48% chance of a Chelsea victory, a 27% chance of victory for Everton, and another 25% chance of a draw.

Here’s the complete table of this week’s match projections:

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Projected Final Table for the English Premier League (Current Through Week 26)

Below is the projected final table for the English Premier League current through the 26th matchday of same and calculated in much the same manner as the other projected final tables which have appeared in these electronic pages.

The precise methodology for these entirely scientific tables is discussed here. Generally speaking, however, what the author has done is to calculate from three variables — shots taken in the box, shots conceded in the box, and possession rate (all of which correlate rather strongly with season-end performance) — a league-specific algorithm for estimating points. That the author is an imbecile also oughtn’t be ignored.

Here’s the updated, projected final table for the EPL:

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Match Projections for Week 26 of the English Premier League

Below are the match projections for Week 26* of the English Premier League, calculated in much the same manner as the other match projections which appear in these electronic pages.

*Which matchday begins today (Tuesday).

The methodology utilized to produce these figures is presented here. In brief, however, what the author has done is to utilize a hot expected goals formula in combination with a sexy Poisson distribution to calculate the probability of every possible scoring outcome between the clubs playing this weekend. The % symbol in the table represents the likelihood of the three relevant outcomes in each match.

So, for example, in Wednesday’s Arsenal-Manchester United match, there appears to be about a 47% chance of an Arsenal victory, a 28% chance of victory for United, and another 25% chance of a draw.

Here’s the complete table of this week’s match projections:

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Projected Final Table for the English Premier League (Current Through Week 25)

Below is the projected final table for the English Premier League current through the 25th matchday of same and calculated in much the same manner as the other projected final tables which have appeared in these electronic pages.

The precise methodology for these entirely scientific tables is discussed here. Generally speaking, however, what the author has done is to calculate from three variables — shots taken in the box, shots conceded in the box, and possession rate (all of which correlate rather strongly with season-end performance) — a league-specific algorithm for estimating points. That the author is an imbecile also oughtn’t be ignored.

Here’s the updated, projected final table for the EPL:

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